For most people, the holiday season is a catalyst for change. The eating, drinking, lounging, and general overindulging that defines the latter half of December usually leads most folks to a promise a steadfast regimen of diet and exercise in the new year, at least for the first week or two.
Not this guy.
No, unfortunately for me, Jenny Craig and Bally Total Fitness commercials usually drive me toward carbs, fat, and dairy the same way that Lung Association commercials used to make me reach for my cigarettes. I gave up smoking 5 years ago now, but those ‘don’t smoke’ ads still bring out the defiant teenager in me and they are about the only thing that still make those cravings flare up.
Having said that, I rarely enter the new year on a health kick. We chefs are lucky in that we are so busy during the December holiday rush that we basically can sustain ourselves on coffee, cutting board scraps, and beer. In fact, I tend to abuse my body far worse in January than in December. You see, all of the ‘bad for you holiday food’ is half price in January (bits’n’bites and chocolate covered anything I’m looking in your direction…) not to mention your mailbox is graced with McDonalds, A&W and KFC coupons. Friends and neighbours, January is my month of shame.
And that’s why God invented a little thing called…’THE SUPERBOWL’
An all day competitive eating marathon during which a football game breaks out, all sponsored by Frito-Lay and Pepsico. More chicken wings are dunked in liquid cheese on the first Sunday in February than on any other day of the year. It is amazing that the day of the largest sporting event on the planet is also the one day most detrimental to a nations cardiovascular health. I love good old-fashioned American irony. Don’t get all ‘don’t tread on me’ on me my neighbours to the South (make that neighbors to the South), on superbowl Sunday, we are all American. I ate pizza, wings, fried then baked hors d’oeuvres and washed it all down with sweet, sweet beer. What did I have on Monday? Add the word ‘leftover’ to the above list.
Thank you Superbowl, you are my catalyst for change. I am actually craving a salad. Me. Cheffer. Craving salad. Honest to goodness I officially feel unhealthier today than ever before. As God is my witness, I will change. Actually, I’ve never felt any shame throwing defiance into God’s face in the past, and I don’t see this as any different, so I’ll rephrase. As you people are my witness, I will change.*
(* fine print – changes may appear subtle)
I’m now offering a few tips that I have come up with to make this transition more seamless. This is what I’ll begin with…
1. Clear liquor and no cal mixes. Goodbye dark beer, hello gin and diet tonic – limes to ward off scurvy.
2. Regular small meals. Skipping breakfast and lunch doesn’t put you any farther ahead – particularly if you eat 3 dinners.
3. Asian food. Ginger, soya sauce, wasabi, chiles, and herbs pack tons of flavour in a fairly low fat delivery.
4. Large coffee, double milk. Turning 2 double-doubles into 2 double milks is a great way to clear 4 sugars and 4 creams from the books. I’m a cheater, I did this one 2 years ago. After about 3 days you will not miss the sugar. In fact, if someone slips me a double double now it tastes like buttercream.
5. Good old-fashioned willpower. I guess I don’t have to eat whatever I want whenever I want, even though I want to. I will try.
So there. I’ve put it into print. I can be held accountable. God have mercy. Chow.
P.S. – I won’t let my personal life get in the way of my professional life – When you come here to eat, it will still be butter, cream, salt, repeat!!